Dyslexia. - Commonly known as word
blindness, but it is actually more complex than this. I
do not recall much about learning to read, but I did have
considerable difficulty with this, and more particularly
with writing, spelling and mathematics.
For the most
part I can read well these days (though the tests show I
am still slower than average), however the way in which I
read is not the same as for non dyslexics, I still
reverse letters and words when reading and as often as
not guess a word by its context rather than reading the
whole text. I am not very good at reading aloud, but can
scan and skim documents quite well when overall accuracy
is not a problem.
My mental
arithmetic is considerably worse, I cannot do the most
simple of calculations without recourse to my fingers or
better than that a calculator, and have used some sort of
calculating aid since my school days. This comes as a
surprise to most people, because they wonder how I manage
shopping, well the answer is simple. I don't, I rely upon
trust to get the correct change, it is surprising how you
can get by. I have a good understanding of other concepts
such as geometry and statistics though, and one of the
advantages of being so ignorant is that I will check up
and refer on anything I am not sure of, rather than
assume I know it. Higher Maths presents problems for
different reasons, but again related to the mental
manipulation of symbols, in this case algebra. However
behind that is a considerable mathematical mind, that
understands and ponders a range of concepts, regrettably
without the ability to formalise them, I was always
penalised in Maths for never showing my workings. Well
Goedel would probably have something to say about that!
I am good at
anything which requires a visual manipulation of
information, as with most dyslexics my strengths lie in
visualisation. I do not think they had a proper concept
of dyslexia when I went to school, as they did not link
my late reading with poor writing and mental arithmetic,
I was considered to be lazy or not trying hard enough. I
was mistakenly put into examination classes for foreign
languages, because I had some flair for them. Oral maybe,
but grammatically speaking I was flummoxed and did not do
well. Mais je parle un peu de Francais meme si je ne
comprends tout. (and don't blame me for the mistakes in
that)
Asperger's
Syndrome. -
is a form of high functioning autism soon to be
eliminated from the manual so they say, I often prefer
simply to talk of autism these days, although there are
historical reasons for continuing to recognise the work
of Dr Hans Asperger, whose work was overlooked in favour
of Kanner's for political reasons.
Nowaday's I am
not one to go down a diagnostic schedule and compare
myself to the characteristics described as I don't think
it is a good idea to frame ones thinking about oneself in
wholly medical terms, however there are certain
characteristics like avoiding eye contact, and being
hypersensitive to touch, and hearing, which I have always
"suffered" from, even if I was not aware that
they fitted into a broader pattern.
Part of the
pattern with any form of autism, is not being able to
read or reciprocate non verbal communication, in fact I
do not seem to understand it, nor do I fit in well with
conventional social structures. At school I was described
as a lone wolf, and very inward looking. Today I am more
outward looking but not well comprehending of a lot of
the social subtleties that go to make up normal
interaction. I am still an "oddity"
O.C.D.
- according
to the literature, and confirmed by some experience,
autistic people also have "obsessive" and
narrow interests, and rituals. The problem in later days,
is that from the medical perspective, professionals will
often consider that as a seperate issue, either as part
of what is called an "Anankastic" personality,
or where this leads to difficulty in breaking from the
compulsion to carry on with so called "meaningless"
rituals, they will even label it as a full blown
obsessive compulsive "disorder" in it's own
right. That has often led to an underlying diagnosis of
Autism or AS being overlooked, ignored, or even rejected.
One might
suppose the particularly autistic component to "obssession"
as it is negatively termed, is the tendency to pursue
ones "narrow" special interest to "absurd"
lengths regardless of whether anyone else shares their
interest. This fits me too I am afraid, but where some
people would call this the ultimate geek/anorak train
spotter syndrome I would disagree. Of course nobody likes
to recognise this in themself and you may well think as
you are reading this that I am as guilty as the Ancient
Mariner in Coleridge's poem of boring a captive audience
to tears with my specialist interests however
obsessiveness can be useful as well, take computers for
instance most people just use them, many of us can strip
down and rebuild them, as I have done in the past myself.
I will leave the
reader decide whether my various past obsessions qualify
as such when you read my autobiographical pages. Since I
original set down this list of traits some ten years ago
now, I have seen just where it has led with me. It has
led to my completing an HND in media (moving image) where
that obsession led to a distinction, and I have followed
that all the way to pursuing a doctorate, in research
involving that special interest. It is not all negative
by any means. I pursue everything with an exacting
purpose, and commit everything to a long term memory
database you would not believe. I have an amazing ability
to remember facts that I squirreled away as long as
thirty five years ago, once I have committed a visual
image to memory I never forget it.
You can see the
benefits of this attention to detail in my CV, where I
have achieved far more than is normal for someone, who
for seventeen years was ostensibly outside of society
functioning as a carer for a severely disabled mother.
Dyspraxia.
- is Greek for not being good at
doing. Dyspraxia is also called DAMP or disorders of
attention and motor perception in some European countries.
For the most part dyspraxia relates to having poor motor
skills and clumsiness. This oftens goes along with
Asperger's or Dyslexia. As I grew up I confused left and
right, anticlockwise and clockwise as my brain
imperfectly understands these concepts. I was no good at
sports, could not catch a ball, or balance well. Today I
am a messy eater, and I spill things and drop things, I
am terrible at D.I.Y. and if shelves stay up they are
invariably crooked.
Part
of the difficulty I have with writing is not being able
to make the movements necessary to write and draw neatly.
This has been a devastating blow to me, in that because I
could not draw well enough I was never allowed to pursue
any artistic path at school. It is very frustrating as my
visual skills are in tact, and I enjoy the arts immensely
as you can see from the rest of my web site. Until the
computer came along all of these artistic skills were
locked in and not capable of expression, but now with
computer graphics and desk top publishing my superior
abilities are able to come to the fore.
Dyspraxia
varies from person to person, and there are many people
who cannot ride a bike or drive a car, I am fortunate
that I can do both of these, although learning to drive
was an experience I would not like to repeat.
Persistant
Migraine Aura without Infarction - I have to
say this last one is a bit of a mouthful and I was not
even aware that such a condition existed when I wrote the
first version of this page more than 10 years ago. Indeed
at that time the condition was considered so rare that
there were only 20 cases recorded in the literature. This
was the last piece of the puzzle to be resolved in my
case, and this website is in part responsible for that,
as a researcher browsing through my art pages, came
accross a picture of mine, which appeared to have all the
visual manifestations of that phenomenon in it.
As
it turns out I have a rather unique way of seeing the
world, and the title of my web site with it's reference
to the one eyed king is a result of that, for what I see
when I attempt to use my right eye is a huge black blob,
if I concentrate closer it resolves into fascinating
patterns. To have that degree of permanent visual
impairment as a result of migraine, is fortunately (for
others not me) extremely rare, indeed I might be one of
only two people known to have it to that degree, however
I also have a lot of the other strange visual effects
which you can find more about in the pages of Oliver
Sacks, who is besides being a neurologist and popular
writer, a "migraineur" himself.
Indeed
some scholars have written that if it were not for the
unique way we migraineurs see the world there would be no
art at all.
So
all in all I
am no stereotype of any one condition, but the product of
them all, combined with the additional uniqueness that is
me. I do not run with the herd, and am not afraid to come
to different conclusions. I would not want anybody to
apply the conclusions of this page to themselves as you
are you and I am I. I am a divergent thinker first and
foremost therefore I find the poem by Robert Frost quoted on my
introductory page sums up my particular perspective in
life very well..
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